Saturday, May 23, 2009

Boy Trouble + No Job + Where to Live + GAH!!! = me

Basically, I'm making that sad little Puss in Boots face! I'm so freaking stressed out and depressed and basically just out of it. Ridonkulous. Life is basically completely hectic. And that really stinks. Humph. So this fall I was planning on living in the Old Farm Townhouses. But that idea has been a little flopped as I really don't have any money, literally, no money, and to live there I have to have paid for both semesters by the end of the summer. That's nuts in my opinion. I freaking don't have money!!! Gah! I really need a job! Ok, taking a deep breath.... I am turning in an application for Hobby Lobby today. Hooray. Woot. They're hiring. So here's a little something random, how come boys/men are so freaking ridiculous? Gosh. One minute they're all flirtatious and awesome and sweet, the next they're just like I don't even know, crazy? Weird? Not seeming to care? Gah! Boys are dumb. That is what I have concluded.
Ok, we're gonna switch to a more positive and exciting note here for a jiffy. So at Seagull Book yesterday there was basically a gargantuan sale. Party. So the thing that I bought, was basically amazing. It was a set. A Chronicles of Narnia set. What it had was one huge book that has all the novels in it, and then all seven books on cd. Woot! Pretty awesome set. I can listen to the books and also be productive at the same time! Anyway, so this set was normally 100 bucks, BUT the wet was 80% off!!! Holy cow pie! So I got this amazing thing for only 20 dollars. Par-tay. I'm definitely gonna have to start listening/reading them today. Woot sauce. Those there books are basically awesome.
So if you haven't been able to pick it up, I'm basically ridiculously stressed out and I am freaking out. Basically. I was even crying last night, so much freaking stuff is going on! I just can't take all this ridiculousness!!! Sigh. I guess I will get over it eventually. Party. Woot. Ya....

Monday, May 11, 2009


All sorts of different people have come into my life. Many of them I will never hear from again. Others are family members that have passed on to the next life. Today I want to share memories about a very close friend and family member of mine.
I remember when my cousin Scott began dating Laurianne. Right from the moment I met her I fell in love with her. She was witty, clever, beautiful, and could always make me laugh. I was so happy when the two got married. I know that my family is sealed together for eternity. I got so excited that Laurianne became a member of my eternal family. I loved family parties. I would usually just go sit and talk with Laurianne. She was so fun to talk to. She would tease, but was never rude. I really looked up to her. Although I had never heard her share it, from being around her I knew that she had a firm testimony of the Gospel. She was surrounded by a certain glow that people have when they know the truth. She did know.
Laurianne was so supportive of me. I remember that she came to a color guard perfomance of mine. I was so excited! I was so thrilled that she would come and watch me. Laurianne was always such an amazing person like that. Wherever she was, she was happy to be there.
Years passed and everyone in the family was wondering when Scott and Laurianne were gonna start having kids. I had been hanging out with Laurianne, one of my favorite things, and she was driving me home. We were just chatting and I said, "I know you are probably really sick of people asking you this, but are you and Scott gonna have kids anytime soon?" She laughed and said, "As of last night, who knows?" Oh, man. I couldn't stop laughing! It was much more humorous when a month or so later she came to my house with Scott and an ultra sound. She was pregnant. It was such an exciting experience! I remember that in the ultra sound picture, the baby looked, well, weird. It wasn't all that developed yet, and Laurianne said, "I'm gonna have a peanut!" She was like that. Always making me giggle.
A few months later, I got some devastating news. Laurianne was in the hospital. Doctors had found a cancerous tumor on her brain. (This was about 2 and a half years ago.) I remember asking why God would let this happen. It was a very scary thing, everyone was worried about Laurianne and the baby in her womb. She was going to go into surgery. If I am recalling correctly, there was a 60% chance that Laurianne wouldn't make it. I got excused from marching band the day before the surgery so that I could go and see my dear friend. I really wanted to see her one last time just in case she didn't make it. She looked so frail, so weak, so ill. I was crying. I was so scared. I don't remember exactly what she said, but I remember she said something witty to me that made me smile. She was always so positive. The entire extended Bredthauer family got together and started a fast. I have never felt the Spirit so strongly with my extended family before. It was so amazing. Laurianne just had to make it through. The next day I was fasting and praying like crazy. School was a blur, I was constantly thinking about Laurianne. While I was at marching band, my mom came and brought me a sandwich. Laurianne's surgery was over, and both she and the baby were fine. My heart had a little party inside of my chest. I thought it was gonna explode. My eyes were all teared up.
After that Laurianne began chemotherapy. I know that that was really rough on her. It was also hard because doctors had to keep the baby safe as well. The first time after that that I saw Lauri take off a hat, I wanted to scream. Her beautiful hair was gone. But only in the front. It was really shocking to me. She had such long, gorgeous hair. And it was half gone. But Laurianne retained her jovial personality. She would talk about her hair as a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back. I was always amazed by how happy she could be through this difficult trial. It was so inspiring to me. I learned that no matter how bad life gets, having a positive attitude changes everything. What a blessing that Laurianne had such a great outlook on everything.
In the late winter, I can't remember exactly what month, Laurianne gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She and Scott named her Lucy. What an adorable little girl she is! I remember holding little Lucy at the hospital. She was so small, so teeny weeny. And Laurianne and Scott were so happy to have such a healthy, beautiful baby. It was awesome.
Time passed, Lucy grew, and Laurianne continued her chemotherapy. Scott was working hard for his family. What a great father he was and is. Family first. I have concluded that I would be a very lucky woman indeed to marry a man as great as Scott. He was always so sweet to his beautiful wife and he was never afraid to have fun. And he loves his daughter so darn much. What an amazing man. I'm sure proud of my cousin.
So around January of 2009, I think that's when it was, Scott and Laurianne shared the exciting news that the cancer was gone! What a miracle that was! But it didn't last. When Laurianne went in for a check-up, the cancer was back again. I was devastated and so upset. My parents said that Scott and Laurianne were going to be trying to have another baby. Now, they weren't. Lucy was almost 2 years old at this point. She's been growing so much. I got really mad. Why would God make this beautiful little family suffer like that? Didn't he care? It was a really big struggle for me to take that blow. My dear friend Laurianne was not doing well at all.
I don't think I ever saw her again after that. She was really sick so stayed at home, unable to come to family parties. But this past Saturday, the 9th of May, brought on a day that I will never forget. I was home with my family, just working in the yard. My sister, Sarah, is getting married at the end of the month, and the yard needed to be perfect. I was planting flowers and my mom came over to me. She said, "Laurianne isn't doing well. She got rushed to the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Dad is going to get Lucy from the hospital." I couldn't speak. What? Had I just not been up to date on things? It is hard to get information when you live away from your family, but I had no idea that Laurianne was even close to being that bad. Everything from that day was only things I heard from the parents speaking. They didn't want to scare or worry my younger siblings, but I was usually allowed to hear the conversations. I mostly just picked up little things, my mind was wondering a lot. I was so worried. Water in Laurianne's brain, she gets rushed to surgery so that doctors can drill a hole in her skull and get out the water. Water in Laurianne's lungs, have to drain those too. Now Laurianne is in a coma, nobody knows if she will even wake up. I don't think I have ever been that scared before in my life. Why was this happening?
Well, while all of this was happening, Lucy was at my family's house. I took her to the park to play. She is so adorable. It was really hard for me, spending time with Lucy while her mother was in the hospital dying. But in a way it was nice that I could make Lucy happy. She didn't really understand what was going on with her mom. It was really fun to play with her at the park. She was really fun. And we also went for a walk around the park. Lucy held my hand sometimes. Children are so amazing. They are surrounded by a beautiful spirit of peace and joy. They are never afraid to laugh or speak there mind. I think everyone could learn something from spending a day with a child.
Greg, Scott's brother, and his wife Stacie came over to our house to get Lucy in the evening. Greg said that Laurianne was still on life support and in a coma. He said that she had had a lot of brain damage, if she made it through she would probably not be able to do very much and wouldn't be able to talk. He said that Scott was going to have to "pull the plug", take Laurianne off of life support. Greg said that if Scott didn't do it tonight, he would do it in the morning. Have you ever been hit in the head so hard that you black out? I felt like that, only in my stomach. Lucy went with Greg and Stacie.
Later that evening, I was out Mother's Day shopping with my family, and my dad got a call. I heard only his half of the conversation. "Hello... Yes... I'm sorry to hear that... How is Scott doing?... I can imagine... Ok... Bye." He hung up the phone and turned to me. Laurianne was dead. After 2 and a half years of fighting cancer, my friend was dead. My hero that I looked up to so much... Gone... I didn't know what to think. I didn't even feel like I could think anymore.
I went with my parents to see Scott that night. I just didn't know how I was supposed to feel. I've never lost someone so close to me before. What was I supposed to be feeling? I could tell that Scott was really out of it. Obviously, as he had just lost his wife. I had never seen him cry before. I was very impressed by him. He's a goof ball, and I love it. Even though he's going through such a large trial, he managed to tease me like always. I saw him depending on his family. It really strengthened my testimony of the power of family. Scott really is an amazing man.
Today, three days later, I'm still not sure how to feel about the situation. I know that I can't sit and mope around. There are things that I need to do and get done. I've been thinking in the positive to keep myself from crying. I know that Laurianne is in a much better place now. She is in Spirit Paradise. She has no more pain, no more suffering, no more cancer. Although this is a happy thought, I know that the loss of someone so close will be a difficult trial in my family for a a while.
Some people that enter our lives are easily forgotten, but I know that I will never forget Laurianne. She was a light to me in the darkness, and she set an example to me of how to live. I truly hope that someday I can be as great of a woman as she was. I will truly miss that outstanding woman and daughter of God. Scott and Lucy are in my prayers. I love you guys.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

New Experiences Sometimes Suck

Kind of like a leech. Kind of like a nasty leech. Kind of like the one in this picture. Bleck. So I moved into a new apartment on Monday. Party! It is nice. Pretty old, and the bedrooms are small, but it is nice. My bedroom roommate is Sam Watt. She is super awesome. I met her in Merrill Hall this past school year. She really likes to talk boys, and so do I! So I'm thinking that is a good arrangement. Then one other roommate is here, her name is Jacie. She is ridiculous. Like, basically she is me on steroids. That should give you a good idea of how she is. She is 20 and a music major. She thinks she's better than the rest of us because she is a year older and has her Associate Degree. Absolutely ridiculous. That doesn't make her better than anyone. Humph. And my allergies are killing me! They are so much worse up here than they ever were in Kaysville! One nostril is clogged up completely and the other has boogers running out of it and I have to blow my nose every five minutes. Lame! Oh, and my tonsils are super swollen so it is even harder to breathe with those honkin things clogging up my windpipe. Not to mention that my whole head feels like it is about to explode. Grr... And every now and again I sneeze. man, I just feel like crap! But I must keep going. Aye, that I must.